Choose Discovery Through Pain.....

"Pain shapes a woman into a warrior." - R.H. Sin

It's a sunny Dad's Day and I'm lounging in the sunshine on the back deck, thinking how much Dad would have loved this day. It's the perfect day for a road trip to the lake, taking the back roads, in search of the sandy beaches of Lake Huron. Instead of being at the lake, I'm on my deck, reading quite a variety of material...everything from the Summer 2018 Issue of Magnolia Journal to The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. 

Joanna Gaines writes about 'A Time to be Playful' and the importance of stepping outside of ones comfort zone, to be curious, to choose discovery. If there was one thing my Dad was was curious. We could never take the same route twice on our road trips and he never cared that it took an extra few minutes to get somewhere, as long as we took the scenic route. Joanna writes about something similar in this issue of Magnolia as well (I don't want to give it all away, but let's just say Chip loves a good 'scenic route' too).

Mark Manson writes about happiness coming from solving problems. He states, "Don't hope for a life without problems. Instead, hope for a life full of good problems."

"Our problems birth our happiness."

Perhaps one of my favourite lines yet in the book states, "What determines your success isn't, 'What do you want to enjoy?' The relevant question is, 'What pain do you want to sustain?' The path to happiness is a path full of shit-heaps and shame."

I never would have thought that by happy accident, I'd be able to draw a comparison between these two VERY different sets of reading material, but....I sure did...and reminded myself of a very valuable lesson along the way.

Let's use the analogy of learning to drive a standard vehicle for instance. My Dad, the oh so patient man that he was, taught me how to drive a standard shortly after I turned 16. Talk about stepping outside my comfort zone, choosing discovery and the 'birth of problems'. I honestly, to this day, don't know how I didn't end up dropping the transmission right out of the truck as it shuddered and shook across the field Dad was teaching me the art of 'driving a stick' in. Yes...a field...not the road....a field. Through a few tears and frustrated comments in a raised tone (both by yours truly), Dad remained calm, cool and collected, guiding me through this unknown activity to a word of discovery that is driving a manual transmission vehicle. To this day, I still get nervous when I get behind the wheel of a vehicle with a stick shift, but, I quickly think back to those days with Dad and his soothing tone and coaching and away I go. This was a 'good problem' to have (learning how to drive a standard) and yes, it has allowed me a great deal of happiness, even with the 'sustained pain' of the first time I stall after not having driven one for a while.

This may be a fairly 'simple' analogy, but as Mr. Manson also states, "Who you are is defined by what you're willing to struggle for." "Our struggles determine our successes." These two sentences bring some pretty hefty 'AH HA' moments to mind for me....

What does success truly mean to me and how much pain and struggle am I willing to bring into my life and muddle through (and potentially sustain) in order to achieve that success? A new challenge or goal can be a very scary and daunting thing to face, but again, if I truly do want it, I must be prepared for a certain amount (and sometimes a lot) of pain. Sometimes life events occur that are out of our control, such as the passing of a loved one, and all the pain and struggle that goes along with that and how we maneuver through that situation, can in fact lead us to happiness again, along with many lessons learned and a deeper sense of resilience to face the next unknown or struggle. "To be happy we need something to solve. Happiness is therefore a form of action; it's an activity, not something passively bestowed upon you." Our happiness needs to include the process to our desired outcome, not just the outcome. At times, the process can seem far from happy and we will experience pain, but again, the pain is part of the process and we must embrace that pain to reach out desired outcome.

I couldn't agree more with this by Mr. Manson..."Our problems birth our happiness, along with slightly better, slightly upgraded problems. See: it's a never-ending upward spiral. And if you think at any point you're allowed to stop climbing, I'm afraid you're missing the point. Because the joy is in the climb itself."

Today was a day filled with mixed emotions, "ah ha' moments, great reading and some key take aways to help me move forward.

First and foremost, choose discovery and keep climbing. As I get older, I see myself trending towards the known and comfortable....I'm not doing myself any favours by doing that because secondly, in order to continue on the ever evolving journey of happiness, I must be willing to experience and embrace pain, to continue to learn and grow and better myself. I'm prepared to 'struggle' for many things, but one thing I have realized over the past few years, what I struggle for or through, had to be of the utmost importance to me and not anyone else. I must put myself and my needs first in these 'struggles' to truly reap the benefits of the outcome. 

I cannot recommend both of these reads enough, though for very different, but yet similar reasons. I hope you can find some time this week or in the weeks to come to pick up a book or magazine that inspires you like these have inspired me.

I'll leave you with this....one of my favourite quotes about the formation of a warrior...

"The women whom I love and admire for their strength and grace, did not get that way because shit worked out. They got that way because shit went wrong and they handled it. They handled it in a thousand different ways, on a thousand different days, but they handled it. Those women are my superheroes." Elizabeth Gilbert

RR

5 Years....

I can't believe I've been blogging for 5 years..... 

5 years..... Half a decade..... 

As I look back through the memories, posts and events, I experience every emotion possible. It is the ultimate roller coaster ride and I'm so grateful to have this online journal, my story, full of joy, sorrow, happiness, sadness, excitement, disappointment, hellos and goodbyes....

Blogging hasn't just been a way  for me to capture stories and memories, blogging has actually facilitated and allowed quite a few of those memory making events to occur. If I hadn't started blogging, so many wonderful people would not have entered my life and if there's one thing I cherish other than the journal of memories my blog has created, it is the friendships that have formed because of how people share the love of creativity, writing and inspiring others.

I never would have guessed that four years ago when I moved into my city cottage that there'd be 5-6 other bloggers within a 4 minute walk and these gals are some of the most amazing women you'll ever meet. I'm so blessed to have them as sounding boards,sources of inspiration and most importantly, friends.

We sit in each other's living rooms, on each other's decks or in restaurants and pubs, brunching, munching, drinking, sharing, venting, motivating, brainstorming, laughing, crying, having moments of strength, moments of weakness and most of all, we unconditionally help each other grow and get to that next step.

I can say with absolute certainty that I could not have made it through the past 4 years without these amazing women (and all of my other friends for that matter) and I thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for all of the "absolute wonderfulness" you've brought to my life.

I've sat at this desk,surrounded by inspiration, and written many posts. Almost everything in that room is a source of inspiration for me, from the desk my brother made me, to notes from friends, to the quotes on the wall. I can't help but feel like creating when I'm in that space.

That's another great thing about blogging....Very few blog posts are completed without photos, so in addition to having memories in the written form, I also have them in the photographic form as well.

Whenever I need a 'pick me up', I look through my photo album on my phone and a smile comes to my face. The day at the beach, a stunning sunrise/sunset, Charlie snoozin' on the couch, a scrumptious dinner, a great home decor find at the market...every one of those photos holds some sort of significance and to be able to share them but also keep them for posterity on the blog means a lot to me.

I think I get my love of photography from my Dad. He never went far without a camera in his hand and I will cherish the photos he took forever.

One of my favourite things about blogging is developing the story behind the post and the various ways to share that post once it has been polished to the point of hitting the "publish" button.

Most of my posts start with a photo and develop from there. For instance, the photo above is one I took on a hike in Kananaskis Alberta. The photo summed up the elements of the day perfectly (the spectacular beauty, the rugged terrain underfoot, the towering mountains still covered in snow that slowed out climb, the crisp blue sky) and the post literally just rolled out from under my fingertips. I wanted to share every minute of that day and the exhilaration I felt with every step up that mountainside.

Once the post is up, let the fun begin by sharing it with others. From posting more photos on Instagram to writing a blurb on Facebook and even 'tweeting' on Twitter, the word needs to get out that a new post is up and ready for review! To say I'm mildly addicted to certain social media platforms is a very safe statement to make. I must say that Instagram is my favourite, as a 2 minute flip through, and 'hearting' photos is one of the best mid day pick ups one could have!

Perhaps my biggest 'fan' (and the world's best proofreader - aka retired English Teacher) is my Mom. I bounce so many ideas off her; she keeps me true to the written form as it should be (though I do sneak in a few "Ardis-isms' here and there) and I value her feedback more so than anyone else. Cheers to you Ma and the next 5 years of our journey!

Thank you too to the publications, individuals, friends and fellow bloggers who have shared my work over the past 5 years. Seeing your name in print or hearing how your work has inspired others never, ever gets old...and it makes your heart beat a little faster in sheer happiness!

And then there's Charlie...My furry, four legged, tail wagging muse.... The creature that always brings a smile to my face.....The "retrieval" in Rustic Retrievals... I can't imagine the last 5 years (actually 10 years) without him as my sidekick!

At the end of the day, first and foremost, I blog for me... for myself. It is an outlet, a way to capture memories, a way I hope to inspire others, a way to share ideas...and as I mentioned above, it's my story to the world. I can't wait to see what the next 5 years have to bring and I hope you continue to join me for the ride!!!

RR

Beauty Begins.....

"BEAUTY BEGINS THE MOMENT YOU DECIDE TO BE YOURSELF" - Coco Chanel

Ask yourself....what makes you feel beautiful? 

For me, beauty really comes down to, what makes you, YOU?

Sure, it can be the great leather jacket that you've had for years and always gravitate to. The leather has become well worn, it is soft and buttery and you just feel like a million bucks every time it sits across your shoulders. It's that 'feeling' that's difficult to describe, yet it's what we yearn for.

But it doesn't even have to be 'things' or 'objects' or 'clothing' or 'makeup'..... 

It can also be moments.....Like a walk through the forest in October, leaves falling around you, the sun shining on your face.....those moments when you feel at peace and complete.....when you are the most "YOU" you can be! You again get that 'feeling' but for an entirely different reason.

Beauty resonates from inside you....it is a glow that shines through your eyes, your smile, your words.....and that glow is only possible when you truly are being YOURSELF.....

Someone said to me the other day, I feel like I've lost me....who I am....I am so many things to other people, I've forgotten who the real me is.

I think we all feel that way at times....life pulls us in so many different directions and sometimes we don't even know where to start to get ourselves back.

When I start to feel this way, I get back to basics.....I have a night out/in with friends, I stop into one of my favourite shops and maybe treat myself to something new, I go out to the garden and 'putter' to clear my head, I head to the Market and get a bouquet of fresh flowers and a cupcake, I read a great book or I go to the gym..... These are just some strategies that help me get myself back on track. It doesn't have to be anything complex or expensive...you just need to become familiar with what works for you to help get yourself back on track. 

Sometimes though, even figuring out what to do to get ourselves back can be a challenge. There are schedules to be kept, 40 hour weeks morph into 60 hour weeks, etc etc.... It's difficult to even catch your breath, let alone take a few minutes for yourself. But....in moments like that, it is absolutely imperative you take a minute or two to collect yourself, re-focus and put yourself first (see my post 'Oxygen Mask' about putting yourself first).

This is where 'My List' comes in veryyyyy handy! My list is just that....a little 'cheat sheet' I keep with me of all the little things I can do for myself at almost any time or place, to keep me on track, to keep that beauty resonating from within. 

Why not take 10 minutes right now and make yourself that list.....you can put it into your phone, in your day planner, on a piece of paper in your purse....Wherever you can easily access it when you feel like things are going off the rails a bit.

I shared some of my strategies above (put your strategies to paper too....on your fridge, on a chalkboard, in a journal etc), but this list I am referring to are 'lil quickies' of restoration that you can do in only a few minutes.

Things like:

- step away from the computer and take 10 deep breaths

- get outside and go for a walk for 5 minutes

- read your favourite blog (I use Bloglovin to organize my favourites)

- text a friend a thoughtful sentiment (I find that spreading joy also helps make me feel joy)

Whatever your list includes has to work for you and only you! The key to this list is to keep you on track through little things/lil quickies you enjoy until you have a moment to truly take a solid piece of time for you.

Remember...beauty is not just what we show on the outside....honestly, that's a very small portion of what makes us beautiful.

You have to always remember who you are as a person, be comfortable in your own skin, with your own thoughts and choices. Most importantly, never, ever forget who your are, what you stand for, what you believe in and what makes you happy. If you can do this, your beauty will shine through like no other....

RR